Strategy or Wisdom?

A friend invited me to the following event:

Join Josh McDowell February 3rd in Austin, TX for how we can pass on an authentic faith to the next generation. You will hear Josh share:

• The number one fear among parents and church leaders is that the culture will capture their kids.

• Why there is ample reason to fear we are losing our kids to the culture.

• Steps you can take now to impart an authentic faith--a biblical worldview--into your young people that will enable them to stand strong in the face of a godless culture.

Usually, I like Josh McDowell quite a lot but, a seminar to prepare us with strategy to impart an authentic faith? This really makes me ask the question, "Don't people think through this stuff themselves?" According to my pastor friend, I guess the answer is, “No.” In my mind, wisdom not strategy is the answer. The daily walk of not losing your kids to the culture may be multi-faceted but it’s not difficult:

1. Don’t drop them off at the mall where they spend weekends immersed in the “culture.”
2. Value reading extensively - powerful, thought provoking reading.
3. Do outdoor activities where you spend actual time in conversation with your kids.
4. Meals, prepared together, create space in the day for casual conversation, sharing thoughts, views of and responses to the “culture.”

I'll expand on each of these ideas in future posts. Not unexpectedly, I asked my three daughters (ages 16 to 23) their perceptions on the idea of “losing your kids to the culture” and they had answers very similar to mine. (It does rub off if you challenge your kids to think for themselves). So, my thoughts can be summarized with the following:

1. Parenting is at least an 18 year commitment. You don’t toss them out for their friends to raise them when they are old enough to walk about.
2. Primary peer influence results from absentee parents. This could be a gang or a clique depending economic status. Moral decline results when the teens are raising themselves and no one has the guts or discipline to discuss with them the pitfalls of bad decisions prior to their making big mistakes.
3. Your number one priority should be to disciple your own kids. That means you walk in such a way that they think yours is a pretty good & godly life.

Yesterday I read an article about research on how the parent child relationship is affected when parents are chained to their cell phones, laptops, and communication devices. I laughed aloud while reading this article. I'm puzzled as to why we are paying for research on this effect. Surely, anyone with a grain of analytical ability can see what will happen when a child is ignored in favor of a texting conversation. They will feel put off because they are being put off. It does not count as time together if your attention is split with someone else. To have a date/appointment with your kid to an event and to be divided or half present because you are texting someone else, diminishes the importance of the person you are with. You aren't really present with the kid and they know that truth. In fact, you are choosing to give priority to an external conversation. You are saying through your actions and choices that the person you are with is less important than whatever else you have going on. That will negatively impact the relationship! Since people tend to weigh negative encounters more heavily than positive encounters, the damage done by these choices can be profound. Do we need research to back this up? A few hours of observing both healthy bonding relationships and distracted encounters should be sufficient research to make any parent choose to invest the time to make their experiences with their children positive. You can do damage just by being foolish. On the other hand, kids want attention, usually "right now" and parents working from home can't be available all the time. Having time periods when your attention must be given elsewhere, that's a boundary issue and parents need to be able to establish and maintain (within reason) boundaries when working from home. Parents should not expect to be available 100% of the time. Young children need a designated caregiver at all times but, parents may need to share that responsibility with a sitter. Parents who can discipline themselves to maintain boundaries, to keep some family hours free from the chains of their electronics, and to be fully present with their kids for quality time each day, will teach their kids valuable lessons about how to live by intentional choices.