Sunday, June 13, 2010

Yesterday I read an article about research on how the parent child relationship is affected when parents are chained to their cell phones, laptops, and communication devices. I laughed aloud while reading this article. I'm puzzled as to why we are paying for research on this effect. Surely, anyone with a grain of analytical ability can see what will happen when a child is ignored in favor of a texting conversation. They will feel put off because they are being put off. It does not count as time together if your attention is split with someone else. To have a date/appointment with your kid to an event and to be divided or half present because you are texting someone else, diminishes the importance of the person you are with. You aren't really present with the kid and they know that truth. In fact, you are choosing to give priority to an external conversation. You are saying through your actions and choices that the person you are with is less important than whatever else you have going on. That will negatively impact the relationship! Since people tend to weigh negative encounters more heavily than positive encounters, the damage done by these choices can be profound. Do we need research to back this up? A few hours of observing both healthy bonding relationships and distracted encounters should be sufficient research to make any parent choose to invest the time to make their experiences with their children positive. You can do damage just by being foolish. On the other hand, kids want attention, usually "right now" and parents working from home can't be available all the time. Having time periods when your attention must be given elsewhere, that's a boundary issue and parents need to be able to establish and maintain (within reason) boundaries when working from home. Parents should not expect to be available 100% of the time. Young children need a designated caregiver at all times but, parents may need to share that responsibility with a sitter. Parents who can discipline themselves to maintain boundaries, to keep some family hours free from the chains of their electronics, and to be fully present with their kids for quality time each day, will teach their kids valuable lessons about how to live by intentional choices.